S3E2 - Service Sub for Lisa

In this episode, Lisa (The Poly Wife) shares her experiences with service submissives, discussing how she is currently attracting men who are eager to please and serve her. Lisa talks about her evolving dynamics, including a recent encounter with a man who is enthusiastic about being her "service sub." She shares intimate moments from their interactions, such as performing tasks and receiving pleasure from his willingness to serve. Jess (The Playful Domme) provides insight into the difference between a service sub and other submissive roles, discussing the deeper layers of submission and the dynamic of a female-led relationship. The conversation also touches on the balance between communication, boundaries, and trust in kink.

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🔥SHOW NOTES🔥

[00:00:00] - Introduction to the episode, including the disclaimer and setup for Lisa’s updates.

[00:02:00] - Lisa shares her experiences with two men she’s currently dating and their eagerness to please her.

[00:04:00] - The Parking Lot Guy: Story of Lisa meeting a man who offered to help her move and was willing to serve her by performing tasks.

[00:06:00] - Introduction to the concept of service submission: Lisa’s experience with a man who eagerly helps her with tasks like cleaning and exercise.

[00:10:00] - Floggers and Dragon’s Tail: Lisa describes experimenting with light BDSM play, using floggers and other tools to test boundaries.

[00:12:00] - The Shift in Dynamics: Lisa reflects on her past relationship dynamics and how this new experience with service submission feels empowering and refreshing.

[00:15:00] - Female-Led Relationships: Jess discusses the concept of female-led relationships and how a true service sub approaches their role with humility and devotion.

[00:18:00] - Lisa talks about the contrast between her previous experiences with alpha men and her current relationship with a service sub.

[00:21:00] - Lisa reflects on the psychological aspects of being served and how it impacts her sense of fulfillment.

[00:23:00] - Lisa’s insight into the trust-building aspect of being in a service submission dynamic and the deeper emotional connection it creates.

[00:28:00] - Closing thoughts on how the experience has transformed her understanding of relationships and submission.

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🔥RESOURCES AND LINKS MENTIONED🔥

• The Playful Podcast Website: www.theplayfulpodcast.com – For after-hours content, workshops, and community engagement.

• FetLife: Mentioned as a resource for exploring kink and creating profiles in the BDSM community.

• The Wheel of Consent by Betty Martin: A foundational tool for understanding giving, receiving, an

Transcript

Jess the Playful Domme: 0:12

Welcome to the playful Dom, the Poly Wife and the Virgin Podcast, where we share our most intimate stories, experiences, and details of our love lives, our intimacy lives, our play lives, and giving you the opportunity to gaze in and get a glimpse of what could be possible in your life as well. As we share our stories, our adventures, we weave in tips. tricks and techniques to help build your confidence, boost your courage and give you the opportunity to ask for what you want in your life. Welcome to the podcast. Oh, and just a couple of quick thoughts before we get started. One, we are just everyday people. We are not professionals, licensed therapists, anything like that. This is for edutainment purposes only. This is not medical advice or legal advice, financial advice, none of the like that. Listen at your own discretion. And this is for mature audiences. We're going into deep subjects and sharing deeply about intimacy and all the things about that. So just notice who you're around and let's go.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 1:25

My updates are crazy. Okay, go ahead. Do it.

Jess the Playful Domme: 1:29

Oh, I was gonna say welcome to the playful podcast where we share about stuff. Go, go Lisa. It's fine. Can't throw in an intro.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 1:37

I just did the clapping to because I just remembered that I did it last time. Anyway. Okay. I have a couple of crazy stories for you girls. It is very funny. I, um, Since I broke up with Sapio a month ago, well, not even a month ago, three weeks ago, I, I am attracting men who wish to adore me and do things for me in a way that I never thought I'd experience again because my relationship with Sapio was so much about How much he adored me. And I was like, nobody's ever going to adore me like that again. Nobody's ever going to want to please me in that way again. And crazy, but it's so true that when you close one door, others open. Right. I moved him energetically out of the way and now I'm being sort of inundated. So I've met these two men. One of them was a man that I wandered around. I I couldn't sleep one night and we were chatting on a dating app. And I said, do you want to, I can't sleep. Do you want to just meet for a drink? It was 1030 at night. Ev was at his girlfriend's house. And so we went and we, the bars were crowded and most of them were closing. And so, um, cause that's what happens when you live in a city with mostly 80 year olds. Um, we, just walked around the parking lot of the mall. And, uh, we chatted for about 15, 20 minutes. He's like, okay, well, we found a place. Do you want to go in and have a drink? I said, you know what? Really? I don't, I think you're really awesome. I love your energy. I'm not feeling any, you know, chemistry between us, sexual, sexual chemistry between us. So, um, I'm just going to go home. I really wanted to meet you, but I would like to kiss you. So we kissed passionately and I left. And I really love this guy's energy. I don't have a name for him yet. It'll come, but I don't have one for him yet. However, we're going to call him the parking lot guy for right now. Um, I told him I was moving and, uh, I said I'd be in touch and he waited and waited and waited. His thing was he wanted a partner to go to the nudist pool with because the nudist pool is very expensive if it's a single guy, but if you're a couple, it's a quarter of the price. So I said, once this move is done, let's definitely go to Paradise Lakes. Let's make sure that we spend some time together because I feel like we could build some chemistry. There's really good energy between us. Okay, great. A month later, um, I have to move. I have to pack up my stuff. And I was like, you know what, I could really use some help. And he had said that he'd be willing to help if I needed it. He came over and he was just like on it. He says, Oh, I like it so much when you tell me what to do. I really feel like I'm definitely a submissive. So, I had him fill out. He was, he's not, he's polyamorous, but he's not familiar with kink. So I had to fill out a survey that Jess had introduced me two years ago, which is the yes, no, maybe kink questionnaire. And it has everything, everything on it. And so I had him fill in. He's like, Oh, well, I think I'm going to put a one for this, which is not sure, but you know, in a five, four, yes, definitely. Yes. He filled that out. And the more we talked, he wanted to open doors for me, which was something Sapio did all the time. He walked behind me when we were walking into the restaurant. He ladies, to the average, I, it was simply respectful and chivalrous, right? But for him, in his mind, it is him being submissive to me. And we talked about it over lunch and I thought, I, I really like it when you do these things. And I'm as long as we're approaching it as friends, let's just test the waters and see how it works. So we decided to, and he came over this morning and, um, one of the other things he does is he works out every day. Okay. I'm going to, I'm going to have you, he wants tasks. He wants to do things for me. So I'm making him my workout buddy. So I'm bringing him to the gym and I'm making him make me work out, which is fantastic. Cause I've been skipping that. And, He just, I, he had never experienced kink. So I started hitting him with the flogger and with

Ella the Virgin: 6:12

just to give him a taste of it. I was like,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 6:15

hang off your shirt. Just bend over. He bends over and I start hitting him with the flock. He was, Ooh, okay. That feels nice. That feels nice. And then I said, okay, I took a dragon's tail and I said, let me hit you with the dragon's tail. It was a little funny. And I said, now I'm going to snap it. It's going to feel like a towel snap on you. And it's going to. It's going to hurt, but you have to tell me whether or not you like it or don't like it. And so I snapped the tail. He goes, Oh, wow, that hurt. Oh, I like that. It was hilarious. And so he got, and immediately he had a heart on and he was like, I can't believe how hard I am. And I was like, well, that's. Fantastic. You enjoy it, which is great. He says, we just can't walk out of the house right now because I'm going to have to, you know, calm down a little bit before we go to lunch. Sure. So, um, off we go to lunch. We had talked more and I, I, he wants to open the door for me when I'm getting out of the car, when I'm getting into the car, when I'm walking in the restaurant, I, his energy was so amazing. And I, so I agreed to be. To top him, to be a dom for him. And I said, it doesn't mean that it's sexual. Cause I'm not sure that that's there, but I'll tell you something. When I was hitting him, I was getting very wet. I was really enjoying it and I wasn't hitting him hard. It was just the fact that I was pleasing him by giving him the opportunity to please me. It was a very synergistic, very, very strange experience. Very strange. Now, last year, and I dated, uh, I don't remember what I called him because it's been so long since we recorded and I may not have mentioned him. Oh, I think I may have just called him Max, but anyway, so it's a friend of Max. He's had a crush on me since I was dating Max. Max and I had called off and, um, Max said it was okay for him to call me. So he called me and he sends me a text yesterday and he says, um, thanks for reaching out. Um, all of those things, going out to dinner, having, you know, sexy time doing things, have all of those things have entered my mind. My joy is your joy. Ask anything. And so today I said, Hey, I'm free on Sunday. Do you want to get together? And he said, um, Oh yeah. Where should we meet? Let's do, I said, We can do this, or we can do this. He says, life isn't either or, but a smorgasbord. Let's plan both Sunday at four o'clock. And he says, I am to please. So I've got these two men who suddenly are just breathing to do things to please me and doing it with such an open heart and such a, it's really an exquisite vulnerability. that I have not seen before because I've gone after or been believing that I really wanted to be with very alpha men.

Ella the Virgin: 9:24

Interesting. So this is an

Lisa the Poly Wife: 9:27

and, and I was telling Ev last night that this is a very unique opportunity for me to be clear about what I want and tell them what it is I want. And get exactly what it is that I want because I no longer have to play guessing games or try and fit in what I want or negotiate anything. It's just like, hey, would you go out and get me a Cuban sandwich for lunch, please? Yep. Off he goes and gets me what I didn't ask. That's not a good example, but I'm blown away.

Ella the Virgin: 10:06

Lisa, what are these guys doing for you? The whole, the sub thing. I, I know nothing about it. So, for our vanilla learners.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 10:12

I don't know. I don't know yet. I know that what he, he will do anything I ask him to do. Uh, clean the house, scrub the floors, he wants to be in my presence. and assisting me with whatever it is that I need in the moment. So right now my car is at the shop. So he came over this morning. He took me to storage. We went out to the gym. We worked out because now he's my workout buddy. We came back here where he just cleaned out my shed. Right. He pulled it out of my shed.

Ella the Virgin: 10:45

Yeah. I see there. Right. Yeah.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 10:46

Excuse me.

Ella the Virgin: 10:47

Right now.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 10:49

No, he, he left. Um, cause he wants to go get a new phone because his phone isn't working very well. Um, I'm ho I'm hoping he'll be back. So if you guys want to meet him, I'll make sure that he comes back.

Jess the Playful Domme: 11:01

How old is he? I think he's 51. 51. Yeah. So the, the thing about a service sub is they, a true, a true service sub. Um, so there, there's some. It's it's an energetic thing that I can feel. It's like they're doing the thing, but it's not really because it's what they want to do is that they're hoping by doing the thing they're going to get what they want. I don't know if that makes sense, but there's a little bit of a manipulation piece to it. But a true service sub has a servant heart and is so happy to please you that whatever it is that's going to bring you joy, So It brings him joy to do that. And so if it brings you joy to say, subbie, go out and get me a Cuban sandwich from this shop, 45 minutes away, he will go and do it. You don't have to even tell them why you want the thing. You just get to say the thing that you want. Some service subs have an innate expectation of you playing with them. Meaning if there's a sub who says. If you were to call up a sub and say, I want you to come over and clean the kitchen, they, some of them have in their mind that they want you to be in dom gear in your heels with your flogger barking orders at them while they're doing it. So it's like that fantasy piece for them. So, but I believe that a true servant sub submissive is showing up for you. And that is their top priority. You become their top priority. There's,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 12:45

I agree. That's exactly what I'm experiencing. And I was talking to my girlfriend, Polly Molly about it. And she said that the difference between, so last year I had, um, kinky, uh, a guy who was a switch. If you remember, he, he made a date with me and broke it off. He just ghosted me the day of the date. And then he went back on fat life, created a new.

Ella the Virgin: 13:09

Oh my.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 13:09

I created a new, uh, cause I blocked him. He created avatar. He created a new profile and found me in order to apologize for his behavior the last time. And we, he asked if we could try again. And I said, yes, I'm that you went to a lot of trouble. You made an effort. And so I said, okay, absolutely. And then he goes to me again. So, um, I, yeah, so he's out of my But he was a dumb. He was a switch, but he was, he had been primarily a Dom. I had met him when he was in his Dom mode and he wanted to be a sub. And so he expected me to come up with punishments and things, the tasks and things that he needed to do to like pull his subservience, to take his subservience. for myself, right? And this is a completely different. It's exactly what Jessica is saying. It's a servant's heart. It just, it just makes him happy to ask for me to ask him to do anything for him to just be around me to share the energy that we share. Um, is, is, is It's, it's really just emanating from him and all I have to do is receive what he is offering and then respond with what it is that I'd like him to do. Does that make sense?

Jess the Playful Domme: 14:38

Yeah, and I was going to say, there's also a deeper layer of this, and that is going to a slave capacity. So, in BDSM, slave is, you know, slave has a very different connotation from what we have understood this as a society. But in the BDSM space, it is, one element of it, is that you're, the Dom's needs, Are what matters more than their own needs And so they're gonna put Your need, your priority, your want, your desire up and above and beyond. It becomes, there's, um, a term called female led relationship. And I think we might've touched on this on another episode before. And there's, there's a, there's a spectrum of how the female can lead the relationship. So the, it just, it comes down to what they agree on and negotiate. So the female led relationship can be, she's the boss. She's the boss of the household. She makes the decisions. She can hand off the things that don't that she doesn't like to do. Meaning like, I don't like to do the bills. I don't like to do the laundry. I don't like to get the gas. Whatever it is, like she can hand that off in the female led relationship. It's just understood. One of the things I really like about the female led relationship is that there isn't a power struggle, meaning you're not trying to vibe for that. And you know that when you hand pack or like, you know, you kind of go back and forth, you're trying to assert your power, the dominance. And when the female says like, when it's agreed that she is the one that's leading, then ultimately it's what she says goes, even if he disagrees. He's going to acquiesce to her and trust in her leadership. Now for her, she has to take into account everybody in the, in the space. It's not just her being the tyrant dictator. It's her understanding that she's also in charge of the care of this person as well as herself. So it's a really fascinating spectrum and it's super, super cool. This Lisa is having this experience. of what is it like to have a man just be happy to do what you want because it makes him happy he's not going to grumble he's not going to complain he's not going to like turn a deaf ear you're not going to have to nag him you get to tell him one thing If he's not getting it right, you get to, like, swift kick him in the butt and fix it and correct it and he's not gonna, he'll do it again, if you don't like it, he'll do it again, and he'll do it as many times until he gets it the way you want. It is an awesome experience, I think, for a woman to be able to, like, have that, to have a man who is completely out of his ego and is coming from a place of humility and of service. And of dedication and of devotion and all he wants is for you to be happy and you know, and, and, you know, and there's, there's a, there's a shadow side to two of them not taking care of themselves. Right. So it's a whole thing, but I love that Lisa's having this.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 17:48

Yeah. And he specifically was, is looking for a female led relationship and it's even in his, the name of his profile on fat. And I. There's a very, if you've read the book, power versus Force, this is a absolutely 100%. How this would look right in my marriage. I forced myself to be the one who led the marriage, right? So Ev came kicking and screaming. I handled it badly. I emasculated him. I did absolutely everything the wrong way, approached it the wrong way. And we went sideways because And it's taking us years to get back, right? I took Control and this is a man who is who is giving me control and it's a completely different dynamic and it's exactly what it is that just was describing and it is an incredibly awesome experience it and I'm not sure and I am. I'm positive that Sapio was. He was an alpha male, offering a lot of the components. Transcribed of the female led relationship. Hey, what do you want to do to always giving me the choice and leading what it is that we might do or how I felt or whatever. Um, he wasn't, and he was a service top for me by, you know, doing the flogging on me. Um, but it was, This is different, but I think that what Sapio did was gave me a desire. He opened up in me a desire for somebody to really always be looking out for me. He constantly was filling my, my water glass. He was always making sure that I had flowers in the house. Um, uh, he made sure that I felt adored. And now. I can replicate all of those behaviors in this man simply because he wants to do what will please me. And now that I know that I like having flowers in my home, that will be one of his tasks is to bring me flowers, right? To, and he can be creative. He could draw flowers if he wanted to. He could pick flowers if he wanted to. He doesn't have to spend money. Um, he, somehow he can give me the experience of flowers and, um, we'll see how creative he is. But, um, uh, because he wants to genuinely wants to and I know that I enjoy it and I'm going to enjoy him doing it for me. It was just it was amazing. And then with this new guy who I have not spent any alone time with, um, we had lunch. to talk about things. Um, and I was asking him very straightforward questions about sex. He goes, nobody ever has asked me like, what sounds am I going to hear when I, when you're coming? It's like, we're sitting at lunch at a Greek restaurant, right?

Ella the Virgin: 21:09

So Lisa,

Lisa the Poly Wife: 21:12

so do you like oral? How do you, you know, I'm asking questions because if we're not compatible, I can't, I can't even begin to imagine doing it. So. And he, he was embarrassed and intrigued and okay with it. And so we have another date on Sunday.

Jess the Playful Domme: 21:33

So Ella, how does it, what's processing in your mind of this idea of a service sub and, um, female led relationship?

Ella the Virgin: 21:43

I didn't even know this existed until Lisa brought it up. We've talked, we've touched on it before the female led relationship, but I had no idea. So I obviously have a bunch of, well, obviously, but I have some land and now there's a bunch of projects in my head. I'm like, Hmm, how would this work? You know, again, not to have to have someone that would be willing to help or maybe a flock of them. Maybe I would have a stable.

Jess the Playful Domme: 22:05

I mean, how great would that be? You know, if our partners aren't willing or able. Or, or want to be like, all right, well, I, I can, I can wrote me some men they'll come over here and click on my, at the snap of my finger, they'll, they'll be right on over. Yeah. You know, going to town and go pick up that thing for me that I want, you know, that I asked my 15 times over the last three months and he hasn't done it

Ella the Virgin: 22:36

or whatever. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Cause I, you guys always. Every time we get on the phone, I am amazed by our topics. So I love it.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 22:47

Another thing that I'll say is that the one who set me up with The newest guy. I can't. Okay. Yeah. I'll have to think of another name for him. Um, he, the friend, the original friend, Max, Max, Max. Um, he texted me. He says, how's the move going? Do you need some help? I'll rent a U Haul, a trailer, and I can attach it to my truck. What do you need moved? And I'll bring it up to, you know, where you're moving to. And I was like, yes, I will accept that offer. Thank you very much. He says, the new guy, the friend he introduced me to, he said, he used to own a moving company. So I'll, I'll wrangle him in the two of us will come down. We'll have the truck, we'll have the trailer and we'll get it all moved for you. How's that sound? And I said, well, I need to move this stuff to storage first, move But that was all up to where, and he was like, yep, let's get it done. And we set a date and I have this, so I've gone from, and what's funny is that I've been asking him, who are you, who do you have lined up to work? What are you, what, what's the schedule? How's it going to work? And he hadn't gotten it done yet. And so, I have four men, actually, a guy that I was dating, with whom I am now just friends, also offered to help me. And all four of them, three of them have met Ev, and all four of them are like, yeah, we'll help you move, no problem. And they're all lined up, and Ev and I, just all we have to do is pack and get the stuff out of here, and these guys will come in and

Ella the Virgin: 24:25

In my head, I'm sitting here going, Oh my gosh, here comes four men and my husband, you know, all coming together and they're all part of and not part of like intertwined.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 24:38

And I'm not lying to you at the end of it, I would get on my knees and suck every one of their dicks until they came on me. And it would be so awesome.

Ella the Virgin: 24:51

That would be a bukkake party I want to go to. Oh God, I love you. Oh my goodness. Oh, Jess, how do you like that? Wow.

Jess the Playful Domme: 25:07

You know, it's, she really ups the game for me. I don't even, I don't even know. I, I, my little projet is now like sprinted so far ahead of me. I'm like, I don't know if I'll ever catch up. I can promise.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 25:22

I probably slept with two guys outside of my marriage when you and I had met maybe four. Yeah. Malibu. experience I have. So now I'm going to top somebody, I'm going to flog somebody. I have a scheduled, I have a scheduled, um, massage for June once I've moved and he and I are discussing different things. But Jess, I wanted to ask you, if you wouldn't mind, um, if it would be possible, because I haven't done the massages in so long. And this is where I feel the most, um, insecure is would you be willing to create a recording of the massage process, talk it out as you're doing it in the timing that you would normally do it. And I want to have my headphones on. I want to have music on for him, but have headphones on with, for me with you telling me, okay, now move up to the shoulder and down the arms, work on the legs right now and make sure that you massage your fists. into the bottom of his buttocks or whatever it is. I feel like a guided, a guided massage would be really awesome. And then we can make it available to our listeners too, for when they want to do massages.

Jess the Playful Domme: 26:42

Sure. I can, I can totally put that together. You said June 9th is when you have it.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 26:49

Yeah.

Jess the Playful Domme: 26:50

I've got some time. Yeah. When I see my My beloved partner can't really do it with a newbie feeling like, Hey, hold on. I just got to record something Just just go into your Zen mode just But I can do that with my partner, so yeah, absolutely Absolutely, it's the key is to go go slow. Yeah.

Ella the Virgin: 27:12

Yeah if you think you're going slow, go slower, go slower.

Lisa the Poly Wife: 27:17

Yep. That's it. Exactly. So that was, that was my update.

Ella the Virgin: 27:21

Oh man, you are something else. God, we love you. Right.

Jess the Playful Domme: 27:24

Yeah.

Ella the Virgin: 27:25

I learned something.

Jess the Playful Domme: 27:29

Well, thank you all so much for listening to this latest episode of The Place Where Dawn, The Polly Wife and The Virgin Podcast made us delight and spark some interest. To you in your life and you happen to be intrigued on how do I find a sub? Where does this go? Reach out to Lisa. She's also the Kinky Concierge. She can help you create a profile on FetLife. to use your name or face or anything like that and put it out there about what you want and you just might get it. Thanks so much for listening. Bye for now. Want more? Head over to the playfulpodcast. com for all the juicy things we have to offer. From there you can join our community where you can get access to after hours, attend upcoming workshops and events, and even book a session. Bye for now.